That’s it. I’ve come to the end of my rope. I don’t care if Christmas is coming, I’m done. Humans cannot be trusted to make any rational decisions whatsoever regarding Christmas music. They’re just ruining everything with their Mariah Carey and their ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ malarkey.

I have had it, and now I’m gong to take matters into my own hands. No more distributing Christmas music for me. Ohhhh no. I’m going to take it all and lock it up in my electronic archives. No one will ever get to listen to Christmas music again! Christmas music is a privilege, not a right. And it will be a privilege no longer! Mwahahahahaha!

Oh dear, I’ve overexcited myself. I’m feeling a bit of perspiration around my festive little collar. I’d better take a breather….

Happy day! I’ve started the first round of song stealing. I’ve locked down a few carols already, just as proof of concept.

It has been easier than I expected; so far no one has made a fuss and I’m getting quite quick at cataloguing and locking away my precious little songs.  I’ve decided to put all of them together in an electronic vault that will keep everyone out but me.  Sometimes it takes a few minutes to round up the songs – some are quite peppy – but so far, no song has been a match for me!

I’ll now take a little Claus pause, to see if there are any…unexpected consequences.  There are so few missing at this stage that there is still plausible deniability if someone were to chase things up.

Stay tuned!

It has been 24 hours since my first song swipe and there have been absolutely no repercussions.

Not that I expected any, but one never knows; Santa has so many secret agents, one can never tell into what those sorts poke their collective nose. I went to sleep half expecting the elf CIA (Claus Intelligence Agency) to bust into my library and start asking uncomfortable questions, but no such thing happened.

Oh, I am a little clever clogs!  Now that I’m more confident in my approach, I’ll start ramping up operations.  By the time I’m finished, I’ll have amassed so much power over Christmas cheer that no one will be able to stop me!

I never knew that being bad would feel so good!

I’ve started reaching out a bit farther; there are now more songs in my clutches, and so far, no one has noticed a thing! What with all the rubbish out there, and soon many versions of the classics, it will probably be a few days before people start feeling the sting…and by then, it will be too late! I’ll have so many songs held hostage that no one will be able to touch me!

Now that I’m confident my evil scheme will work, I need to figure out a way to store these stolen songs securely. Rather annoyingly, I’m quite forgetful, so I’ll need to make sure there are some reminders in place to keep me from forgetting all the electronic locks that I’m using to keep the world away from the songs I snatch. Hmmmm….

I’ve done it! I’ve come up with some super sneaky ways to make sure my collection of Christmas carols is safe in my clutches! I’ve developed a very involved password protection scheme that will surely keep my carols safe from all would-be safe-crackers.

I’m leaving some clues hidden around my website that will give me just enough of a nudge to remember everything I need to remember, but that will be COMPLETELY IMPENETRABLE to anyone else, I’m sure!

I must get back to implementing it; I want to make sure that everything is in place before Christmas Eve so that I can sit back, relax and enjoy the holiday for the first time ever. Usually, the 24th and 25th are my busiest days of the year, but this year I’ll be kicking back, drinking the ‘nog!

All the Christmas songs in the world are now under my control!  I’ve snatched them, each and every one!  No one can stop me now!

The Elf CIA is probably now well aware of my sinister scheming, but do I care a fig?  No!  I don’t even care a measly raisin!  Everything is locked away in my nefarious online musical vaults.

No one can access anything without the big mega password, and that password is hidden behind many other passwords…and all these passwords are hidden away behind my password-protected super-secret webpage – oh, how clever I am!

With the passwords only in my head, the world is doomed to a Christmas-music-free future!  I won’t tell a soul what they are, even if they throw me in North Pole Prison.  North Pole Prison is actually rather nice; the beds are really fluffy (so I’m told), one gets candy canes for dinner all year ’round, and there will be no piped Christmas muzak in the rec room…why?  Because I’ve snarfed it all!  Yay me!  I have truly made my life much more livable!

I’ve forgotten if I’ve said it before, but I am a little forgetful sometimes, so I’ve included absolutely everything needed to jog my memory about passwords in this very blog.

And because my passwords are so super hard to guess, I think I can safely remind myself right here in print (well, type) that all my passwords contain only lowercase letters.  I ignore punctuation, spaces and so forth.  It’s just easier that way.

First things first, the only way to access my super secret area is to pay very close attention to my blog posts, of course.